Hi Mumma's, I need a vent! I am a single mother of two children, I work full time and am lucky to have my mother who helps me out when she can and by looking after them on a Friday while i work (this help does come at a cost to me though!). I have not been away form my children since my eldest was born (sorry i lie, I am a teacher and had to go on camp for two nights when my eldest was 2 and I was pregnant with my second child, my then husband looked after the kids, who doesn't have a lot to do about them now he has found his "new" family). I have been given the opportunity to go away with some friends (well they go away each year, i have always said no), after the year I had I thought stuff it I will ask my mother to look after the kids for me on the Friday and Saturday night (I asked in September). Everything was fine until two weeks ago when my mother said that I would have to put the kids i daycare on the Friday (the one day a week my mother usually looks after them) since she has to help my sister out. I was a little taken aback, my sister has a 1 year old and in-laws that are amazing, but my mum as usual drops myself and my kids to help my sister. I swallowed my anger and said thats fine. She then said that she wouldn't be able to pick them up till 6 so if I could get someone else to pick them up and take them home she will be there as soon as she can (after breaking down on the phone to my eldest sister she kindly is taking time off work to pick my two up and take them home to wait for my mother).
I called my mother tonight to run through some things (i am an extremely organised person and to be honest am a little/big bit anxious about leaving my babies). I said to her that my youngest is trying to transition to one sleep a day so Saturday she needs to be prepared to allow my little one to have two sleeps if needed, my mum was put back by this and said that she had plans on Saturday and that they were just going to have to fit in with her. I then said that I would have all dinners ready that my youngest may not eat what you give her, however will go to the fridge or cupboard and normally ask for cheese or a banana or a squeeze food after her dinner (I give in, I know I shouldn't but I pick my battles and that isn't one of them at the moment!). My Mum then said that i should not be doing that and it is going to be a challenge, if she was looking after my sisters boy (who is one and she does look after him a lot) she wouldn't have any problems feeding him and that is because my sister is strict on what he eats, because that is in his best interests. I also mentioned that my little on may not sleep well during the night (she is aware of this I have had many problems) and yet again she was compared to my nephew. My mum also needed to add at the end of it for me not to over indulge because I can not afford to put on any weight (and i can't afford to, i just find it hard to have time for me and to look after myself I am a size 18/20..... honestly I feel very lonely and I put all my efforts into my children). BTW my sister is a size 6! I don't really have anyone else to ask and at the moment feel like saying don't worry about it. But I know that would upset her and make her mad and since she is really the only one I can ask for help from (apart for my eldest sister) I don't want to put her off side.
Sorry about the huge rant and to those who have read it thank you! My kids will always come first, I just wanted two nights away with my friends.... but I think the cost is too high (emotional)!!!
4 Replies
I genuinely share your pain x
I had simular issues in oct my self.and hubby had to go away for 6days i have never left our kids. Only when i went into hospital to have the younger kids. My kids stayed with my mil. I had alot of things they would and wouldnt do such as nap.times ect, but at the end of the day i thought they probally will enjoy themselves having time away from me the same as i will (once i get past the guilt). Honestly who cares if they dont have a nap that day or their routine gets thrown out the window for a few days. Aslong as their cared for and fed iam sure they will be fine. Have fun and enjoy your me time
Could she maybe just be in a shitty mood? My mum is like this sometimes, it's kinda like she wants to start an argument with me or upset me on purpose. But when I see her next she's fine & happy to help. At the end of the day it's just 2 days & grandparents (most) are going to do things differently than we do with our children, it's really no big deal, I think it just may be getting you down a little more & you're overreacting a little as you're very emotional atm (no nastiness intended there whatsoever, I get like this too) go out with the girls for the weekend! Let your hair down & have a blast! You deserve hun. Bubs may not have the exact routine you do at home for 2 days but I'm sure they'll be well looked after & loved & I bet you they'll have an ace time with grandma too ? All the best IM, let us know how your weekend away went x
My MiL was great. I'd drop off my boy and no instructions given... She raised 6 kids and her youngest is only 18 months older than my boy. I figured if her kids were all alive and thriving she probably knew what she was doing better than I did. Next time try to not micro-manage every step, just say ok, kids are at day care and need to be picked up by a certain time, I'll be home at this time to pick them up from your place. If she can't get them from daycare let her organise how to get them home - always have a back up plan (ie call your sister and say if I get a phone call saying they're still at daycare and haven't been picked up I need you to go and get them). If the emotional toll is too high it would be worth paying an overnight babysitter.