My partner's ex has recently contacted me telling me he has been cheating. With her. She says she has screenshots of texts etc as proof but doesn't want to send them to me because she doesn't want to be the bad guy. Are you fu*^ing serious? But she's happy to tell me about them?
I trust my partner. I have my reasons which would take too long to explain.
I've blocked her on social media, as well as on my phone. Part of me wanted to go along with it though and ask her to send the evidence to me but really. Why would I? I didn't want to, mostly because she has depression and I didn't want to make things worse.
So my questions are. Would someone who suffers from depression really stoop so low as to lie about something as serious as infidelity just to make others feel pain? People with depression know more than anyone what pain feels like. Why would they do that? Admittedly I don't have depression and never have so I find it hard to believe that it would happen. I don't want to upset people who do have depression so please don't take it personally I'm just trying to figure out if that's any part of it. Is it because of her depression? Or is she just a bitch? Should I go along with her and ask to see the proof she says she has or continue ignoring her? I would love to hear from people who have lied about something like this in the past, if they're brave enough. Why did you do it? Did you apologize? Did you make amends?
It is anonymous.
9 Replies
I have experienced this. Seeing screenshots isn't proof. They can use a friends phone, change the friends name to your partners name and send the msgs. She has no proof. Trust your gut.
Depression is not, and has never been, a reason for being a useless douchebag.
It really frustrated me seeing people use it as an excuse for their actions.
If you're 100 % sure she is just trying to cause trouble, tell your partner (if you haven't already)
Are children involved? If not, both of you need to block all contact. It sounds like she has a narcissistic personality.
If children are involved, you need to block all contact except for text (between your partner and her), that way you always have physical documentation of every conversation. And simply do not reply unless it's about the children.
Unless you have doubts, you need to just keep your head high and move on. A smile is the perfect way to get revenge on an enemy.
Ask for proof of course!!!! Depression is one thing, actually (as you suspect) making up lies to destroy someone is quite another.
Ask for proof please! As much as you don't want to believe her you should really find out the facts. Even before talking to your partner!
As a pp has stated a screenshot is not proof names on phones can be changed messages can be made to appear from someone when they are not. If she has absolutely no reason to question her partner why ask for proof when it's more than likely fabricated will only cause issues and unnecessary doubt in her mind.
I think you should ask for the proof. When I go into messages it shows both the contact name and number so you can check it with your partner's number. Also have you considered checking your partners phone (or his bill if it is itemized)?
Has your partner been a cheater in the past (not just with you but has he cheated in previous relationships)?
This is basically comes down to, do you think your partner would cheat (if it wasn't his ex saying it would you believe the claim has merit)?
If it is fake/false messages the you could look into getting her into trouble for defamation (or something to that degree).
Do not engage!!! Don't respond!! She'll love it. She's trouble making and if you don't bite she'll send more anyway. If she was telling you the truth with good intentions she wouldn't bait you.
I'm not sure what her having depression has anything to do with it. If you completely trust your partner and are convinced she is lying, why do you even need to ask what to do? She could very well be trying to cause trouble for whatever reason (though I doubt it's because she has depression). Or, she could be telling the truth. You must have even the tiniest bit of doubt or why else would you even bother trying to figure out her motives.
I'm not sure if her having depression has anything to do with it either. I'm asking for other people's perspectives / opinions. I don't want to make things worse though I won't lie, it is hurtful to know that she is trying to cause me pain so I'd like to know why. It is possible she's not trying to hurt me but to hurt my partner. I don't know.
I've just decided to keep ignoring her.
Nope. I have not even the tiniest bit of doubt :)
if you don't have any doubt, then I would suggest if you haven't already talk to your partner make sure he is aware of what she is saying. If there are NO kids involved then you both need to block and delete all forms of contact even if that means new mobile numbers for you both.