I need advice desperately... fiance has just lumbered me with his "fetishes" and I'm not too sure how to reply to this. I know how i feel about it though and it's certainly not on my list of "to dos" lol 1. He would like to have sex with an ethnic woman and 2. Group sex. No judgements please, helpful advice ONLY!! I am not strong enough to cope with him being with another woman and the group sesh has me confused ?
3 Replies
I would call these fetishes I'd call these fantasies.
Just because someone fantasises about doing something doesn't mean they plan to do it, or have to do it. Fantasies are fantasies. I fantasise about marrying a millionaire, does that mean I'll chuck my partner for a millionaire, HELL NO.
There are going to be things that he would like to experience sexually that you won't and vice versa, that happens in all relationships. That doesn't mean you have to do it and it doesn't mean he has to do it and it doesn't mean he should do it.
What you need to establish is are these fantasies, so if the opportunity came up,and yiu were in to it, he would take the opportunity. Or are these things he has to do wether you are ok with it or not.
It's totally ok to not be cool with him doing those things and it's ok if him acting on these desires is a deal breaker for you. In fact if he told me he was going to act on these desires, the relationship would be over, because to me that's cheating and in the long term the relationship is doomed.
If these are just fantasies, and he wouldn't do it unless you were cool with it, then you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to do it to please him, it doesnt make you a bad partner for not doing it. I won't do certain things sexually and other things I'm right into and that's totally cool.
Agree with all this. Fantasies are cool and can stay fantasies, you have no pressure to make it reality.
If he has to do it or complains that he can't do it because he's already in a relationship, then you need to assess if his investment in the relationship is the same as yours.
Hi Anonymous,
Group sex can be a wonderful thing if all is treated considerately. If it's just pairing up with another person then I suggest you just go swinging. Group sex is about being fair to all and experimentation, get the right mix of people and wow. However if your uncomfortable then don't do it but you cant say you don't like it unless you've tried it.