Does anyone else envy the relationship other women have with their children?
I suffered from severe PND and I find myself wishing I could have my toddlers baby years so I could do it right.. Like all my friends..
I know you don't see what goes on behind closed doors.. and it's never as simple as what people choose to disclose.. but I just find myself too often wishing I was a mother like them.. I'm recovering by talking to people about my journey as a mother so far, but it still pulls at something.. and.I feel like i failed my child in her infant years.. I feel i could have done so much better.
She's a smart, lovely little girl, I think I did the best I could at the time.. but think my problems and emotions early on have impacted her in a negative way..
We are also thinking about another baby but I'm afraid I'll have the same reaction I did with my toddler.. and i dont want to put both children through that again.
7 Replies
Do you remember anything before you were 4 yrs old, I don't. Apparently my mother was the ultimate adoring new mum and was absolutely devoted to me. Until I was older, now we don't really get on at all. Don't be that mum, you have this great opportunity in being able to know how much better you can be for your baby. Use this as a chance to be a great mum now she will remember x
I don't wish the baby years back at all. Toddlers are great fun! Watch her learn about the,world, interactions,,blossom and do things independently, learning new skills, start forming attitudes about things. When she road rages the car in front using exactly your words! It's hilarious. She's your shadow, you're mirror, this is the part where you get to make a huge impact and see it reflecting so clearly. And they're fun! So positive, forgiving, innocent, funny.
I don't think anybody is perfectly suited to every single age/stage, it doesn't make you any less of a loving mother.
Also, I had my second and she was a completely different baby, in completely different circumstances, and the whole experience has been completely different. She sleeps so I'm not exhausted to the point of torture and about to crack, which makes everything different and more enjoyable.
If you go for your second, it's likely it'll be very different. Plus you'll know what to expect and be more aware to get help or take action before it gets too far.
Good luck. Don't compare and don't be too hard on yourself, we all struggle at times this motherhood gig is not easy!
My mum had PND depression with me 40 years ago. Her and I are best friends. I have no memory of 3 and under. It didn't damage me, I'm not scarred, I have a close bond with both my parents. Im a functioning member of society, a totally awesome mum.
Every mum has her day. There will be phases of your friends lives where they parent well and where they don't. There will be there own mental health issues, work/life balance issues, divorce, illness etc not many people don't have some period in there lives wher some stress doesn't occur.
I think the early years are the years we punish ourselves about the most because we have spent the pregnancy imagining what it will be like.
Theres always things we wish we could change. But all we can do is concentrate on the now. Dont focus on the negatives, especially with PND, its only going to cause more anxieties to arise. Focus on your relationship with your girl in the now, you must not have done too bad a job if shes turned out so beautiful. Be proud that you made it through such a hard time.
I feel the same way. I have a 2.5yr old boy and I had severe pnd after he was born but I was in complete denial, I told myself it was just me being a selfish person that didn't want my life to change so I didn't accept the help. I finally started taking my antidepressants 9 months after he was born and I have felt so much better since then, I have even had another baby but this time I took the antidepressants from 34 weeks pregnant. He is now 4 months old and this experience has been so different to my first son. It feels so good to actually want to be around my baby this time but at the same time I feel guilty because I wasn't like this with my first, I wish I could change that and I wonder if we would have a different relationship now if I had taken the antidepressants sooner. Please don't avoid having another baby because of what happened with your first. I wish I hadn't had pnd with my first but I remind myself that it is something that happened to me, I couldn't control it but I can control what I do know. Good luck with everything.
Yes I feel that way all the time. My son bonded with his dad as a result of PND and they are very close, even now ten years later. I'm gratful he had his dad, but it still hurts that I missed out.
I had very bad pnd. I ended up in hospital for 5 weeks but I was unwell for about a year! Everyday I look at my four year old and feel endless guilt. I had my second baby 10 months ago. I didn't get pnd this time and I hate to say it but it makes my guilt worse. I feel like why couldn't I have the same baby time with my first ? i know both of my children know how much I adore them, it has not effected my first son. It will be my guilt. My husband is amazing and constantly telling me to be kind to myself. I try. so my advice be kind to yourself. Your a good mum. Pnd is not a choice!