Hi, I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy.
To get straight to the point, I feel as though my whole pregnancy has been high jacked by my MI. From shopping for baby goods to arguing over names.
Now she has invited herself into the delivery and says she is staying with us for a few weeks when we come home.
I'm at the stage where I want to lose my shit.
I've done the shitty relationships with controlling in laws and I have no intentions of doing it again. It's gotten to the point of me just wanting to pack up and leave them all.
How do I fix this without creating a massive fight?
How do I tell my mother inlaw to back off?
How do I tell my mother inlaw to back off?
Posted in:
Pregnancy
6 Replies
Sorry you can't. Hubby has to speak up now. He needs to talk to his mum. He need to tell her it's too much, and although he understands she wants to be there that this is a private moment between him and you. If he won't stand up to her then you will have to, but I think it will cause a shit storm. But better now than later, how she reacts is her problem.
Does she live close by? Maybe her wanting to come stay is her trying to be helpful. Having a baby is massive and sometimes it can be a godsend to have someone else to cook and clean and give you a spare pair of hands so you can shower in peace.
I agree with the birth part its a private thing and should only be you and your partner.
But on the issue of wanting to stay and be involved, i would kill for someone anyone in mine or my husbands family to care that much about our kids and want to be involved. Because none of them do.
Please don't let her into delivery! (Of course I'm assuming you don't want her there) it is so personal and emotional and in my opinion only for the people you want/need around! It's not something to share with someone you don't like! You will regret it if you don't put your foot down and the first person to see your child should be you and your partner! It will stress you out if she starts any of her shit! If I was you I'd just be honest... If it causes a fight then so be it! Hopefully she will be over it by the time bubs is born! Good luck xoxo be strong
Do not allow it. Speak up. All you need to do , is state that you only want you your husband in the room with you. Don't discuss it, don't negotiate it. It isn't up to her, it's up to you.
I let my MIL do whatever she wanted and I resented it so much. It suffocated me. I spoke up one day, and it was like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. She didn;t like it ofcourse, she was upset for a long time, but since then she has never done anything with consulting me/hubby first.
Lots of people say that it should be hubby's responsibility to talk to his mother and while I think that could work for some MIL's/DIL's, it didn;t work for me. Taking control of the situation and speaking up, made her really see me and respect me. and I feel better for it.
Good Luck. x
just tell her to back off, I wish I did when my mil got like that (given was with best intentions) but still very overbearing sometimes. because I never spoke up to her, she thinks her behaviour is completely acceptable, when it is not. Apparently I have to wait to have a 3rd until my youngest is at school because I can't handle her and she is to naughty. (which she is not she is a normal 3 yr old in my opinion) and I handle her just fine. she is constantly telling me I do a crap job at disciplining my daughter and sticks her nose in and starts telling her of over me. even little things like making my husband his lunch apparently I can't handle to feed him so she has on occasions made his lunch even though I've already made it.
although despite all these things I know it is coming from good intentions as she not a malicious person, but her lack of ability to stop and think before she speaks or acts is infuriating and my own fault for not speaking up earlier.
I think you or your husband need to say something before the baby arrives. If you don't she will think its fine. My baby is 7 weeks now. My Mil came to stay the day i got out of the hospital and she has been pissing me off everyday. I did ask her to come after a month or two but she wouldn't listen. I do appreciate her cooking for me but i hate it when she takes my crying baby and won't hand my baby back until he cries for milk. As for the name, my fil picked a chinese name that i hate so when they call him i get so annoyed! I prefer his english name that i picked. As for the shopping, if you don't like what she buys just don't use it. My mil asked me to use her bedsheets, quilts etc.. And i didnt. Say thank you and leave it. Sorry if i have ranted on but from my past 7 weeks experience its better to tell her now and make her understand otherwise it will be too late and you will get angry. Congrats and bedt of luck :)