Don't know if it's so much of a question, I just need to get it all out.
A few weeks ago I found out my partner had been cheating on me for 2 years. I'm shattered. Apart from a couple of msgs saying he's sorry and he doesn't know what's wrong with him to do that and that he's ruined his life, I haven't heard from him. What about my life that he's ruined? I can't handle the silence. The other woman msged me on fb to tell me, including screenshots of some of his msgs. I feel extra cheated that that's how I found out. I never got to say goodbye. To him or his kids who I love and miss so much. I feel angry that it was her that ended our relationship. I'm so angry about a lot of things, but none of it is directed at him yet. I can't handle the hurt anymore.
I already had depression and anxiety. Since this, I'm having regular panic attacks. I've seen gp a couple of times a week, I've seen psych with more appts lined up. I'm on extra anti anxiety meds. I've spoken to friends and family. I don't know how to go on. I want to run away. I feel like I'm failing my kids , putting them through this. They deserve better than what I'm giving them. I'm cutting. I know it's not the answer. I don't want to die. I just want the pain to stop. I want it to all go away.
7 Replies
I just want to say I'm so sorry and so sorry you are going through this. I'm going through something similar after finding out my husband was having an affair. We are still talking but he has moved out.
For me to survive I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep myself busy and trying not to dwell on it and when I do I focus on what he is missing and not what I have lost. I'm incredibly lonely as used to talk all the time and it's hard once the children are in bed and I'm on my own.
It's so hard that he hasn't spoken or talked to you to help you understand and hopefully with time he will so you get closure. Mu husband focuses on how he ruined his life and I'm always saying what about mine and our children, it has a ripple effect and I didn't do anything to cause this.
I'm sorry you are going through this too. It just sucks.
We didn't live together but spoke every night. The silence from him, especially at night, is overwhelming.
I just don't understand why people do this..he said he was happy. Just a week before he said he wanted a future with me. We talked about the things we wanted to do, holidays etc. Then bam! It was all taken away in an instant.
It definitely sucks! One of the hardest things to get through. I'm trying to keep busy to take away the silence and loneliness but it definitely doesn't always work.
I don't understand why people do this either, the grass is not greener on the other side and it just causes so much devastation. I thought we happy, struggling a little bit with now having children (and him not coping with that) and not having as much time together as before, but how wrong was I.
Yep, I feel like such a fool. I already had issues due to my Ex husband. It took me ages to let my guard down and trust and love again and he knew that! He even reassured me..WTF!!
I hope they realise what they've done one day and what they've lost and damaged. The grass is not greener on the other side.
Kelly here from the IM team - BIGGEST hugs for your situation and what you're going through.
I've decided to push your question ahead in the line up as I feel you need help asap - and so I've just posted it to facebook for you.
I hope the responses help. I hope you realise that you are not alone in this.
Here for you, in any way we can be :-)
Hugs xKelly
I've suffered depression and anxiety for the majority of my life. I'm 32. I as 17 when my ex husband and I got together and 29 when we separated. Separation seen me cutting and eventually I tried to commit suicide. 3.5 years on, I love life.
I'm assuming you are deeply hurt, you are petrified, you miss everything you loved about him and his children, and you are scared shitless about how you will cope without him.
It's hard and it takes time. Not being able to say goodbye or end the relationship properly, prevents closure.
You need to think about what you deserve in a partner.
I don't know you but I sure as hell can tell you that you deserve to trust and be trusted, you deserve honesty, respect, love, loyalty and happiness.
From your post, it appears that while he once might have given you what you deserve, he isn't anymore. For whatever his reasons, he's chosen to ruin what you had. He doesn't deserve your love and loyalty and you sure as hell don't deserve to be hurt the way you have been.
You are bigger and better than this. Life is beautiful and you have so much to look forward to.
Keep seeing your GP and you Psych. It'll take time but eventually, you will start to feel better. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. Just know that you can and will find happiness again. You just have to want it.
Please don't cut! I have scars all over my wrists, elbows and hips. Big ugly scars that needed stitching, my children, now 6 and 8 ask what they're from, it feels hypocritical that I am trying to teach them to deal with their anger and hurt in a positive way when I couldn't do it myself. I am sorry this has happened to you, but your hurt and anxiety, that has come from someone else's wrong, they made a negative choice, not you. Congratulations on seeking help, professionally, but also reaching out on this page, you are stronger than you think by having done this. You have to love yourself, concentrate on all the good qualities about you, I was told 'fake it till you make it' and it worked for me, it took a year or two but your life can be beautiful too. I am not sure anything I have said will help, maybe you just need a bit of positivity to get out of bed one more day, I know thats what I needed, having my 2 eldest kids weren't even enough of an incentive me, but learning to look at my positives rather than my negatives certainly help me a great deal. 3 years on, I am happy with me, I love my kids, have since had 2 more with my very supportive and loving partner of 4 years, I volunteer my time with school projects and our local community garden, immersed myself in the childrens sports (even becoming an accredited teeball umpire!!) and changed the negative people that I hung out with. Good luck with it all. Its a tough battle, but you can do it!!!