Hi IMs, please be sensitive in replys, I can't change the facts and am trying to find an alternative way to help my cousin
Sorry this may be long.
I met up with my cousin yesterday who has 2 young children. 1 that attends daycare 2 x a week and the nearly 1 yr old who's at home.
She has a great marriage, supportive husband but she's bored after working hard in a high powered position she's not coping with mat leave.
She got in the habit of having a few wines at night to relieve the boredom and unwind from the kids.
This has now progressed to the point of drinking 2 bottles a wine a night. She's also been drinking on the days child is home from care ( never drives with kids when drinking )
But she has admitted on the days child is in care she has a few drinks around 10am then stops so she's under the limit for afternoon pickup but drinks as soon as they back home.
She flat out refuses to tell hubby so please don't suggest that, she also won't do rehab as that involves hubby knowing as she's too ashamed to tell him.
She is really upset at the affect its having on family, ie not taking kids fun places or park etc cause she needs a drink.
She does have bad social anxiety and is seeing a therapist but again doesn't want to admit this too them.
I suggested AA but she can't get to meetings.
Has anyone got any ideas??
Is there online AA or similar. Or a support service she can access from home??
She's come to me cause she's desperate, doesn't know how she let it get this out of hand or how to stop now
She's also mentioned side effects she's getting like the shakes in the day before a drink and bad sweats at night keeping her up.
Please be gentle, I know she is genuine in wanting help and she is a great person so I'm struggling to understand how this has happened but I will support her and I know she needs help and understand why she won't tell hubby but I don't know what to suggest??
2 Replies
She needs to see her GP and she needs to tell her therapist. They can help her and it is relevant to her therapy. I'm sorry, but after being through this with a friend unless they are prepared to be open about what is going on there isn't really options. She could detox at home but it is dangerous, and needs medical supervision. Detoxing can cause seizures etc and most people need to be medicated to prevent that.
Hiding this in the longterm will not get her better. If you were the husband and your kids were being looked after by a drunk woman you would want to know. You need to consider the safety of the children.
Is there a reason why she is hesitant to get help? Or why she is drinking in the first place?
It sounds like she's scared. Her anxiety might be playing tricks on her. Anxiety is a horrible, horrible thing and alcohol is the quickest way to dull it.
She might be worried that she'll lose her husband or her children if people found out. She's probably concerned about being judged or even attacked for her addiction.
Remind her that you love and care for her. Tell her that her husband loves her, and encourage her to tell him the truth. He might be the encouragement she needs to get help.
He needs to know, though. They're his children. What if there's an emergency and she's intoxicated and can't help appropriately?
Encourage her to tell him, but you might need to be the one to do it.
Just be honest with her, find out why she's drinking so much, and support her as best as you can.
Good luck to her and you both x