Hi Ladies,
I'm writing this as I'm very concerned for a friend she recently separated from her husband and has since taken up a relationship with a new man she has two children as does he, who are about to begin living with them permanently I was recently invited over to catch up and was happy too, but when I arrived I was mortified, her house looks like a rubbish dump, there was clothes toys and everything else strewn all over her house, rubbish bins and boxes overflowing, dishes everywhere etc, I was offered a coffee and felt bad saying no so accepted only to have a cockroach in my cup! There was dog poo everywhere and the place stunk to high heaven! The kids were literally tip toeing around piles of crap, I felt so uncomfortable and sick to my stomach at the mess it was not a small mess but putrid, the new man seemed OK with it and the kids just used to it, I felt sorry for the kids and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, I feel bad for my friend but don't know how I could approach her to offer help with cleaning up as I don't want offend it's seriously so bad what should I do? I don't want to upset her but I can't let it go, I'm not judging her I really want to help!
How can I help my friend?
How can I help my friend?
Posted in:
Self Care
3 Replies
Honestly, I'd give her a few weeks. Invite yourself around in a few weeks and see if things have changed. When I moved into the place in in now, things were chaotic and there was an insect infestation, and the chaos of unpacking seemed like it was creating more chaos! It's amazing how quickly things can get out of hand.
If things are just as bad in a few weeks I'd ask if there was anything you could do to help. Offer to do a few dishes, when you visit. I do that for my friends and my friends do that for me.
If things don't start to improve and your friend isn't approachable you will need to call child protection in your state. They can force her to accept help etc. but it's better coming from you first.
I think this is a cry for help, invite her out for coffee or lunch or something and try to get her to talk to you on her own. Make it a girls day out even get a manicure/pedicure. To find out what is really going on, as it sounds like depression to me.
i would say depression too. i work in child protection and we often get reports of this kind of thing and when we look into it guarenteed there are more issues then jus the house. if the kids are 'used to it' as you say then id say its been an ongoing problem and the adults are depressed, ovewhelmed and unable to pick themselves up again. mayeb gently suggest she gets some extra support? many states now have family support programs or early intervention programs that families can access, or even counselling or help from a psychologist?(go to GP and get MH plan) . maybe tell her just how surpirsed you were at the state of her home and you had no idea she was struggling that much.... if she hasnt realised shes struggling and that its not good for the kids that should give her a bit of a wake up call.