It Seems that my brain flips out whenever my kids go to their father, how do other IMs cope

Brain flips out whenever my kids go to their father.

Hi, my question for all the IM's that are separated and their children go to their dads regularly, how do you cope with not having your children, not being able to tuck them in, kiss them good night, talk about their day over dinner?

My Children's father and I are separated and have 50/50 care arrangement (not working well for me or my kids)

I'm finding as time goes on, each week without my children it gets worse and worse for me to cope.
Their father and I are going through the court process, so there is the added stress of that but its like each week they go to their fathers my brain flips out, I find myself in a severe bedridden state of depression, I now have anxiety to the point I struggle go out to the shops at times until close to closing because being around so many people just feels so confining, I wake up from nightmares or night time anxiety and just this week even food wasn't appealing to me, I have been forcing myself to eat and then I felt sick afterwards, I wake up with sore muscles and headaches', I cant stop crying and when I do, its usually only for an hour or two, tonight I dread to go to bed to sleep because waking up every morning this week has been hell.
Usually by the time the weekend before they come back to me comes around I start to come good again, start to feel normal, they are only a day and a half away from being back with me, counting it down.

It has gotten so bad that it is starting to effect my everyday living.
The weeks I have them, I'm so happy, caring for them, watching them happily play outside, packing their school lunches, doing their reader with them, listening to the new words they have learnt that week, asking them to clean their room and bring their washing out. I even the nagging to get their shoes on or brushing their teeth I miss when they are not with me, I have to go as far as to shut their bedroom doors otherwise while waking past their rooms at night and not seeing them all tucked into their beds turns me into a crying mess, each week that goes by without my children just gets worse and I seem to sink quicker into a deeper and darker place.

I feel like a messed up freak because I'm always so all over the place, it really does feel like my brain flips out and the emotions that go with it I cant control, I almost took myself to the Dr's this week because I was so scared I wasn't going to be able to snap out of it but come this afternoon I started to feel normal again, I have 1 more day and my children are back with me.

Are there any other IM's that experience this or anything like it?

I don't have any friends that I can go out with, for coffees etc (coffee is not good for anxiety :-/)
Every second weekend I look forward to taking my children out on an adventure, either to the park or movies, etc. I love just watching their faces light up and be happy playing, running around, having fun.
I have other things I do during the week so I don't just sit at home, but even when I'm busy its like the sadness, depression, anxiety just doesn't go away, but then with my children its no where near as bad.

Edit to add
I already see a councillor, I also attend a support group and am big on things like meditation to calm the mind (has not been working recently) and have just started on St Johns Wart supplement.